So It's Come to This: A Snow White Parody
by Rekall
Summary: A parody of Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs. Starring: Yami as Snow White, Seto as the Prince, Pegasus as the evil Queen, Yugi, Malik, Marik, Bakura, Ryou, Jounouchi and Honda as the Seven Dwarfs [SetoYami]


**A/N - I know I posted this story before under my old account but I'm writing a sequel and I want it all under the same penname.**

In the kingdom of Egypt, the people rejoiced when their queen became pregnant.

The queen was a lovely woman with the heart gold and loved by all. The queen had one wish, which was that her child would be born a girl. A lovely girl with dark long hair and silky white skin. Fate however was cruel to the young queen and she bore a son not a daughter, a son with tanned skin and spiky tri-colored hair. Nevertheless the queen loved her son who she named Yami. The king was happy as well since he now had an heir.

For years the king, queen and their son lived a joyful life but tragedy soon struck for the happy family when the queen became ill and died. The entire kingdom was in mourning along with the king, only Yami who was too young to know what had happened was not affected by the death of the queen. A week after the queen's death, the king traveled abroad to take his mind of his beloved, he returned weeks later with a new bride, a fruity male called Pegasus.

Queen Pegasus was a very vain person, who only cared about himself and used the king's grief to worm his way into the royal family. Pegasus covered the castle in mirrors so that anywhere the new queen went he could always see his image. Pegasus' greatest mirror however was located in his private chambers. It was a magic mirror. Every morning Pegasus would look in the mirror and ask "Mirror, mirror on the wall whose the fairest one of all?". The mirror would then reply that no one was as beautiful as Pegasus himself.

Years went by and Yami grew from a young boy to a young man. One day, on Yami's sixteenth birthday, the queen asked his mirror that same question he asked every day expecting the answer he always received. But instead the mirror replied that although the queen was still lovely there was no one more lovely then the young heir.

Outraged, Pegasus ordered the death of young Yami at once. Pegasus enlisted the aid of a hunter called Dice Boy, who took Prince Yami deep into the dark and scary forest.

"What are we doing out here Dice Boy?" a spoiled Yami asked in annoyance as he and Dice Boy walked along the worn path. "This nature thing is far overrated! I want to go home so I can have a bath!"

'He's so hot!' Dice Boy thought to himself while Yami continued to rant on and on. Like everyone in the kingdom poor Dice Boy instantly fell in love with the young prince. 'I can't kill him!'

"Stupid rat!" Yami cried while throwing a stone at a squirrel.

"My prince," Dice Boy quickly said grabbing the prince's attention. "You are not safe!"

"Duh! All this dirt is murder on my skin!"

"That's not what I meant my prince," Dice Boy replied. "Queen Pegasus ordered me to kill you!"

"What?"

"Flee sir! I'll cover for you!"

"Damnit why does everything have to happen to me?!" Yami yelled in frustration as he began to walk further into the woods. He would have ran but running was too stressful for him.

Meanwhile Dice Boy headed back towards the castle. Along his way he found a pig, killed it and cut out the pig's heart. Dice Boy then presented the heart to Pegasus who was overjoyed that he now the prettiest in the land again.

------

After separating from Dice Boy, Yami walked a total of ten minutes before he grew tired and decided to stop for a break. Although he wasn't trilled with the idea, Yami decided to sit down on a log. He was surprised however when the log gave a small yelp as soon as he sat down.

Jumping to his feet, Yami spun around and stared down at the long. To his surprise he found another person sitting on the log.

"Watch where you sit!" the person complained as he tried glaring at Yami but failing because of his large puppy dog eyes. To Yami's amazement the person was a shorter, paler version of himself.

"A dwarf!" Yami cried in amazement.

"That's right, my name is Yugi," the dwarf replied but Yami wasn't paying any attention.

"I think I'll call you Shorty!" Yami happily cried much to Yugi's annoyance.

"Don't make fun of my height!" Yugi cried but Yami wasn't paying attention so Yugi decided it was best to try and ignore his new nickname. "Look it will be getting dark soon so why don't I take you home to meet my brothers?"

"Is it far?"

"Fifteen minutes," Yugi promised and Yami started to groan as they began walking towards the cottage where Yugi lived.

Yami protested the entire way but soon enough they reached Yugi's home.

"Come on in!" Yugi said as he pushed the door to the cottage open.

Yami had expected Yugi's brothers to all be the same height as the little dwarf but he was surprised to learn that Yugi's brothers towered over him.

"Damn me for being so short!" Yami angrily yelled as he looked up at the dwarfs.

"Mister, these are my brothers," Yugi said beginning the introductions. "Marik, Bakura, Ryou, Malik, Jounouchi and Honda. Guys this is . . . well I really didn't ask his name yet."

"Psychopath 1, Psychopath 2, Albino, Walking Sex, Bonkotsu and the One No One Cares About," Yami announced giving them all nicknames. Honda gave a small cry when he heard his and Jounouchi looked as if he was going to kick the prince's ass. "I'm Yami. That's Prince Yami, for the record. I need to place to crash for awhile since my evil step-mother is trying to kill me."

"Well you're welcomed to stay here with us," Yugi offered. "But don't be surprised if some of them," Yugi then points to Marik, Bakura, Ryou and Malik, "start having an orgy tonight because they're pretty frisky."

"We might even let you join us," Bakura said to Yami with a wolfy grin.

"Uhh . . . no thanks, I think I'll just go to bed because to keep looking this great I need my beauty sleep," Yami replied before hurrying off to the bedroom that Yugi had pointed out as his own.

"He seems nice," Ryou said before he was pounced on by three of his brothers for the orgy that Yugi had previous mentioned.

------

'What a glorious day!' Queen Pegasus thought to himself upon waking the next morning. The night before the hunter, Dice Boy, had brought him the heart of the former prince leaving Pegasus once again the most beautiful person in the land.

"Mirror, mirror on the wall who's the fairest one of all?" Pegasus said approaching his magic mirror confident he knew the mirror's reply.

"Prince Yami of course," the mirror automatically replied.

"That traitor!" Pegasus yelled referring to the hunter. "Death is too good for him! From now on Dice Boy will be my personal sex slave!"

"Yay!" Dice Boy voice could be heard from another part of the kingdom.

Pegasus began pacing in his royal chamber. He now knew that if he wanted something done properly he would have to do it himself. Rushing down to his private lab, Pegasus put his plan into action. After spending hours with various potions, Pegasus finally had what he desired. Pegasus then made a mad dash to his wardrobe to find the perfect disguise, clothes he had worn before he was married, before hurrying off to find the young prince.

------

"Hey wake up!" Yugi cried shaking Yami awake.

"It's too early!" Yami groaned as he rolled over trying to escape Yugi's wrath.

"Of course it's early! We have to go to work!" Yugi protested and was happy when Yami cracked open an eye.

"I'm a prince, I don't work."

"But if you're going to be staying here, you should help out by cleaning or doing the laundry or something."

Yami was beginning to wonder if Yugi had lost his mind. "What part of I'm a prince did you not understand? Plus look at what I'm wearing! You can't possibly expect me to do chores in tight leather pants, especially with those brothers of yours around. Besides I'm supposed to be your guest! "

"Okay, okay, you've made your point," Yugi replied backing off. "Just go back to sleep and we'll be off to work."

Yugi then left Yami alone and returned to his brothers. Faintly throughout the house Yami could hear the annoying chanting of "Hi ho hi ho off to work we go" as the dwarfs headed off to work.

Now most dwarfs worked in some kind of mine, but these were not normal dwarfs. Only Jounouchi and Honda were forced to work in the diamond mines, the others worked for their multi-billion dollar diamond company. Yugi and Ryou ran marketing and research, Malik was their model, and Bakura and Marik handled the complaint department, however the only complaint they had was five years ago and authorities were still searching for the guy's body. Since then anyone else learned that complaining was not the way to go.

With the dwarfs gone, Yami slept until noon when he was rudely waken up by a pounding at the front door. "I'm coming, I'm coming!" Yami cried as he struggled with the blankets that were wrapped around his body. Untangling himself, Yami hurried to the door and flung it open to find a young man wearing a horrible red suit and had long white hair. "Mommy Pegasus?" Yami nervously asked.

"Of course not dear boy!" the stranger replied with a small laugh. "See! I only have one eye," at this he lifted up his hair to show Yami that his left eye was indeed a fake. "And I dress in much more stylist clothes!"

"That is true," Yami unsurely replied, eyeing the stranger. "What do you want?"

"I'm a traveling salesman," the stranger replied pulling a shinny new buckle sparkled with diamonds out from his jacket. "What do you say? It would look perfect around your neck?"

"It is a lot nicer then my old one," Yami admitted taking the buckle in his hands.

"It's produced by the Seven Dwarfs Diamond Company," the salesman informed him.

"The S.D.D.C?" Yami breathed. Yami of course had heard of the famous diamond company but he had no clue he was staying with the owners.

"That's right."

In record time, Yami had taken off his old buckle and fastened the new one around his neck. Immediately the buckle began tightening cutting off Yami's supply of air.

"Fool!" the mysterious salesperson cried. The last thing Yami saw before blacking out was his step-mother disappearing in a puff of purple smoke.

------

"You really need to start watching what they do to you," Yugi said as he scolded his younger brother who he was currently escorting home. Ryou had been in pain all morning from the orgy the night before but he still insisted on going to work. Yugi had finally stepped in and forced Ryou to head on home.

"But it feels so good!" Ryou protested as they reached the clearing where their home was. To their surprise they found the front door wide open with Yami laying unconscious in the door way.

"Yami!" Yugi cried rushing forward with Ryou close behind him. Kneeing next to Yami's body, Yugi noticed right away that the buckle Yami was wearing was too tight. Yugi ripped off the buckle and soon Yami began to regain consciousness. "Yami! Are you all right?" Yugi cried as Yami started to come around.

"I think so," Yami replied with a cough.

"What happened?" Ryou asked.

"A kind salesman came by gave me that new buckle," Yami explained. "I must have put it on too tight."

"Bullshit," Yugi replied. "It was Pegasus! I know it was!"

"He did kind of looked like Mommy Pegasus," Yami admitted.

"We better get him inside," Ryou said speaking up. "Pegasus could still be nearby, waiting in case his plan failed."

With help from Yugi and Ryou, the young prince managed to struggle to his feet and make his way back to Yugi's room where he laid back down for some rest.

"Yami, promise me that you'll never open the door again to anyone except for myself or my brothers," Yugi begged as Yami began to fall asleep, tired from his ordeal.

"Okay Aibou," Yami sleepily replied. Yugi smiled as Yami drifted off to sleep, liking his new nickname.

------

'What a beautiful day!' Pegasus thought to himself the next morning upon waking up. Yami was dead, a deed done personally by himself so he no longer had to worry about any screw ups.

"Mirror, mirror-"

"Sorry honey but my answer is still Yami," the mirror replied interrupting Pegasus' question. "The young prince lives so you may want to do a better join in trying to kill him."

"Curse him!" Pegasus angrily cried and he retreated once again to his private lab. Again he created a potion that would suit his needs and again he found a disguise before disappearing off back towards the cottage where his stepson was staying.

------

"Yami, I'm just going to take a shower," Yugi told the young prince. After what happened the day before Yugi had decided to stay home that day to make sure that nothing else happened. "Remember do not open the door to anyone!"

"I got it Aibou!" Yami replied in slight annoyance. Yami may like to be spoiled but Yugi had been mothering him all day and it was beginning to get on the prince's nerves. As soon as Yugi disappeared into the bathroom, Yami happily sighed into the silent room. The silence didn't last for long however as soon enough a familiar knocking began on the front door.

"Go away!" Yami angrily yelled at the door.

"It's me, your friendly neighborhood salesman," the person on the other side of the door replied. "I came back to apologies for yesterday. I accidentally sold a magical buckle that strangles the wearer to dead. So to show you I meant you no harm I brought you a present."

"A present?" Yami happily asked as he hopped to his feet and rushed over to the door and threw it open.

"Here you go," the salesman said handing Yami a comb.

"Thanks!" Yami replied as he immediately started brushing his hair. Almost at once the comb became caught in his hair.

"Hahaha!" the salesman laughed. "You only have minutes before the poison spreads throughout the rest of your body!" The salesman then disappeared once again in a puff of purple smoke.

"Aibou!" Yami frantically cried as he collapsed to the floor. Hearing Yami's cries, Yugi rushed out of the bathroom, wearing only a towel. Taking in the situation, Yugi ran over to Yami and yanked the comb from Yami's hair. Immediately Yami started coming around.

"What did I tell you?!" Yugi asked yelling at the prince. "Never open the door to anyone!"

"All right Aibou," Yami weakly replied. "I promise never again to open that door to a stranger."

------

"Mirror, mirror-"

"Not yet buddy," the mirror smugly replied the next morning at Pegasus' daily question. "Not only has that fake eye decided to become a permanent part of your body but the fairest in the land is still that little short stuff who likes wearing leather."

"Damnit!" Pegasus cried as he once again stormed down to his lab.

------

"Yugi lets go!" Malik cried towards his younger brother. "We have a big meeting today with that prince from the neighboring kingdom!"

"I'm coming!" Yugi yelled back before turning his attention back to Yami. "I'll be back as soon as possible. I'd stay but this meeting is really important. Prince Seto of the Kingdom of Domino is coming all this way to look at our merchandise."

"Never heard of him," Yami replied as he crossed his arms and gave a small pout. He didn't like the fact he had to stay all alone at the cottage when Pegasus was out there trying to kill him and he knew where the prince was hiding.

"We'll only be gone a few hours," Yugi promised before leaving the cottage with his brothers. No less then five minutes later there was a knock at the front door.

"Who is it?" Yami called, wondering if one of the dwarfs had forgotten something.

"Your friendly neighborhood salesman!"

"I'm not allowed to open the door to strangers!" Yami called back.

"But I'm not a stranger! You've meant me twice already!"

Yami thought it over for a few minutes. It was true that the salesman had seemed nice any other of the times he had visited but Yugi had insisted that the salesman was really his evil step-mother, which made sense in Yami's small pea brain since all of the salesman's products had almost killed him thus far. "All right," Yami reluctantly replied as he stood up from where he was sitting on the couch, walked over to the door and opened it. He was meant with the salesman thrusting an apple down into his face.

"Apple?" the salesman innocently asked.

Feeling a bit hungry, Yami took the apple from the salesman and took a big bite from it. Yami gave small gasp and the apple fell from his hand. Yami then followed the apple to the floor as the salesman laughed. Pegasus then waited around for a half hour to see if his stepson would recover. When he was satisfied that Yami was indeed dead, he disappeared in his usual puff of purple smoke.

A few hours later the dwarfs returned home to find Yami. The dwarfs tried everything they could think of to wake the prince including Honda's brain dead tactic of threatening him and trying to punch the prince but fortunately the others stopped him. In the end they encased the prince in a glass coffin in the middle of the forest that they knew Yami loved so much.

------

"Well?" Pegasus asked the mirror the next morning.

"It is you," the mirror said in a dull voice.

"Excellent!" Pegasus gleefully replied. All was now right in the world.

------

Months went by and nothing changed with the young prince. His body did not decay so the dwarfs were positive that Yami was not dead but they still had not figured a way to revert whatever the queen did to the prince. One day however, Prince Seto from the neighboring kingdom of Domino was flying over the forest on his blue-eyed white dragon on his way to the S.D.D.C headquarters to buy some more jewelry.

As Seto flew over the spot where Yami's coffin laid, the sun glimmered off it in such a way that Seto thought there was some sort of treasure down there so he flew down to investigate. Unfortunately Seto was not the greatest at landing so his dragon ended up crashing into the glass coffin, causing the lid to slide off the top and throwing the body inside a few meters away.

"Crap," Seto muttered as he slid off of his dragon and dropped gracefully to the ground. Seto stalked over to the body knowing that someone would be pissed at him if it was discovered that he was the one who destroyed the memorial. Looking down at the body, Seto was captivated by the person's beauty. Bending down, Seto tried to gentle pick up the body but it was heavier then Seto had imaged such a small person would be. Stumbling under the dead weight of the body, the body fell from Seto's arms and landed on the ground with a thud. As the body hit the ground a large apple piece that was stuck in the person's throat popped free and flew out of the person's mouth. To Seto's amazement the person began groaning.

"Fool me three times shame on you, fool me four or more times shame on me," the person muttered.

"Are you okay?" Seto asked with concern, needing to learn more about the beauty he had discovered. Hearing Seto's voice, the person opened his crimson eyes and stared up into Seto's hansom face. It was love at first sight.

"Yes," Yami softly replied feeling himself blush. He felt like a schoolgirl. "I'm Yami."

"I'm Seto. Want to come home with me to my castle in Domino and marry me?"

"Yes Seto!" Yami cried jumping up into Seto's arms. Seto then carried Yami back to his dragon and the pair flew off together back to Seto's home forgetting all about Seto's meeting with S.D.D.C.

------

"Where is he?" Marik demanded as he cracked his knuckles. Marik did not like being forced to wait for anything. Neither did Bakura who also had a look of pure hatred on his face.

"It's not like Prince Seto to be late," Yugi told them all with concern in his voice. "Maybe something happened to him?"

"Lets go kick his ass!" Bakura declared and all seven dwarfs began marching off to the kingdom of Domino.

------

"Mirror, mirror on the wall, who's the fairest one of all?" Pegasus asked his magic mirror. Ever since the day he had killed Yami, the mirror had given the same answer that he was the fairest one in all the land. To his surprise however instead of the mirror immediately answering his question like always a young woman with long blonde hair appeared in the mirror.

"I do have a name you know!" the mirror snapped. "So you don't have to keep calling me 'Mirror' all the time!"

"Huh?"

"The name's Mai and I'm getting sick of the same question day after day! For the record there are hundreds of people better looking then you! Like those hot dwarfs the prince was staying with, myself, Prince Seto of Domino and there was someone else . . . let me think . . . oh yes. . . Prince Yami! Yeah, that's right! I take great pleasure in telling you that the prince lives! In fact he's going to marry Prince Seto this evening!"

With a string of curses, Pegasus set off to stop the wedding and kill the prince once and for all.

------

"I think this is the place," Jounouchi said as the dwarfs stopped in front of a large castle.

"Hey are you here for my brother's wedding?" asked a young boy with long black who was leaning out a window looking down at the group.

"Uhh . . . sure!" Malik replied. A wedding meant free food and a bunch of hot guys around which was just the thing that Malik was after.

The dwarfs were let inside the castle and escorted to the chapel in it. Once they got there they soon discovered that the pair being married was Prince Seto and Prince Yami. After that all thoughts of killing Prince Seto left the minds of Marik and Bakura as they knew Yugi would be upset if they hurt Yami in any way and an angry Yugi was not something a sane person would want to deal with.

After the ceremony, the dwarfs approached a beaming Yami. "It was so beautiful!" Yugi wailed as he sobbed. Poor Yugi had the ugly habit of always crying at weddings.

"Yes," Ryou agreed. "But how did you wake up?"

"It was meeting my true love," Yami happily sighed as he stared lovingly up at Seto. Seto, not wanting Yami to know he accidentally dropped him, played along with that story.

"Yup, one little kiss and Yami was awake," Seto told them with a nervous laugh. The party soon started after that where there was lots of drinking and dancing. Everyone was having a great time until a familiar puff of purple smoke appeared, which announced the arrival of Queen Pegasus.

"Why can't you just die?!" Pegasus screamed at Yami.

"Leave here at once!" Seto hollered, not wanting anyone to talk to his lover that way. Unfortunately for him, Pegasus then saw Prince Seto and forgot all about his stepson.

"Why hello there!" Pegasus purred clearly lusting after the prince. "I'm a queen you know. How would you like to be king?" As Pegasus tried seducing Seto he started to lovingly run his hand up Seto's arm, which only enraged Yami.

"Enough!" Yami yelled causing everyone to freeze, look on and wonder what such a small prince could do. "I can handle you tricking my father into marrying you. I can handle you trying to kill me not once but three times. But there is not way I'm going to let you get away with touching my husband!" With that Yami extended his hand towards Pegasus. "Mind Crush!" Yami yelled and Pegasus slumped to the floor, dead.

"What the hell was that?" Bakura asked in amazement.

"Magic," Yami told with a small shrug as he wrapped an arm around Seto's waist. "You should have seen me as a kid. I was Mind Crushing servants left, right and center. Drove my parents crazy when I was in my terrible twos."

"So if you could always do that why the hell didn't you do that to him before?" Marik demanded to know.

"He never gave me a reason," Yami replied with another shrug.

"The guy's an idiot," Jounouchi muttered to his brothers after Yami and Seto had wandered off to talk to the other guests at the party.

"It's taken you this long to figure that out?" Malik asked him in surprise.

"Drop it you guys," Yugi firmly told them. "It's Yami's wedding night. We should be happy for him."

"How can I be happy for a guy who's only going to screw one person now for the rest of his life?" Marik asked only to receive a whack on the back of his head by Yugi.

And although Yami and Seto only had each other to screw night after night they remained happily ever after.


End file.
